Trying to prove I'm smarter than Google
Life is about the journey, not the destination. It is also about trying to get somewhere faster, and often via a different route, than my Google Maps app indicates.
I am old enough to remember trekking across the country with the help of an atlas and/or several folded maps, relishing the role of either driver or passenger (navigator) while trying to decipher not just the fastest way to get from Point A to Point B but which actual streets to turn on in large, unfamiliar cities.
That means I’m definitely old enough to remember the early days of Internet directions and printing out 14 pages of MapQuest turn-by-turn instructions. It was easier, sort of, except for when the directions turned out to be wrong (like the time they sent me to the middle of a field in Bemidji instead of an ice arena) and you had no atlas or map as a backup.
MapQuest was the first time I was given a specific amount of time a trip was supposed to take, even if their early projections were laughably off-base.
MapQuest says it will take 5 hours, 28 minutes? That means I can make it in four hours.
Car navigation systems came soon after, but I never had a car nice enough for one of those nor the inclination to buy a separate portable system.
Soon enough, though, anyone with a smart phone didn’t just have a way to call or text. They had turn-by-turn directions that were constantly being improved upon as real-time technology got better.
The directions factor in traffic, construction, time of day, stoplights, everything. The apps are extremely helpful and sophisticated, to the point that punching in directions to just about anywhere is accurate within a minute or two.
Owing to the fact that I am the scourge of all my group texts and own an Android phone, Google Maps is my navigation tool of choice. (Please stick around for my presentation on how Google Meet is just as good as FaceTime for video calls).
Some of the smartest people in the world, those who have thought of everything and can teach machines to know the things they can’t, work for Google. Some of them are the brains behind Google Maps, and they are here to take the decisions out of my hands in order to make my life easier.
Most of the time I accept their directions, including 100% of the time when I truly don’t know where I am going.
But sometimes I know where I am going and I just want to know which way Google Maps says is the fastest based on traffic and other factors.
And sometimes — not often, but maybe 10 or 15 percent of the time — I look at Google’s suggestion for the fastest route and scoff.
Oh, really?
Sure, they might have a dedicated team of countless smart people figuring out the best way to deliver real-time data to inform my best choice.
But I have instincts and beliefs.
So I will embark on a personal, Quixotic quest to prove that I am smarter than Google.
I’ve been thinking of writing about this for a few months. Then just last week I had the perfect moment to illustrate the point.
I was driving from our new house in Eagan during rush hour, which I hadn’t previously had to do. I had an event I needed to get to at Target Field by around 6 p.m., and when I entered directions it said it would take about 40 minutes (because of traffic) and that I would arrive at 5:55 p.m.
That’s good, right? A normal person would think of this as positive news, even if it was a detour from my previous reality of being able to get there in 15 or 20 minutes from our old house in Minneapolis.
I started out on the suggested fastest route, and things were going just fine. But as I approached the intersection of Highway 77 and the Crosstown, I saw the dreaded red line on the app (traffic) heading westward.
The voice in my phone (Karen, I have just learned) gave me the update: “There is a nine-minute slowdown ahead. You are still on the fastest route.”
The slowdown had, of course, been factored into the initial directions because Google is very smart. My app said if I just stayed the course, I would arrive by 5:54 p.m. — probably because my expert driving had already helped shave a minute off the original projected time. I would arrive to my event on time.
But something told me it was impossible that turning into a standstill on the freeway was the way to go. So I made the bold, instinctive choice to stay on Highway 77 to take city streets into downtown Minneapolis.
What I had inevitably initiated, of course, was a full-blown mission to arrive before 5:54 p.m.
As soon as I changed course, my app recalculated (because Google is smart) and said my new arrival time would be 5:56 p.m. The app suggested I turn left pretty soon after I made that initial decision, and I ignored that, too.
Suddenly the arrival time jumped to exactly 6 p.m., and I was not feeling great about my process. Traffic was stacked up like four blocks deep without a stoplight in sight. Was everyone else trying to beat Google, too? That must be the case!
I made an impulse decision to take the next left turn I could find, and thanks to a merciful break between cars it didn’t take all that long. It shaved seven minutes off my arrival time! To 5:53 p.m.!
Why hadn’t Google suggested it? (Is Google actually smart?)
But there was still a long way to go, and this was no time to get cocky. I hit another traffic snarl and construction near Lake Street, which I tried to work around by taking multiple side streets.
My Google Maps app was seemingly in a permanent state of “rerouting,” but eventually I was only about a mile away from Target Field. This was the home stretch, a straight shot, and the app said I would get there at 5:54 p.m. — the same projected time I had abandoned almost 30 minutes ago for this stressful route through the city.
Still obsessed with defeating the expected arrival time, I did some very fine downtown driving. The lights were in my favor, the correct lanes became clear and I arrived at my destination at 5:53 p.m.
This, of course, did not prove that I am smarter than Google. It did not even matter a single bit in the grand scheme of things. What I had proven is that I am stubborn and prone to overconfidence sometimes.
The achieved upside was arriving marginally sooner with some sort of strange satisfaction, while the thankfully avoided (in this case) downside was being terribly wrong and being late for an event.
Even worse? I would do it again and certainly will do it again.
As an android guy (Google Pixel) and frequent South Minneapolis commuter I appreciated this.