Mr. Bluesky: You had to hide away for so long

Slow it down to speed it up.

Though some of my critics might disagree, I would say that I’m my own biggest critic.

After writing professionally for a few decades, I don’t run into impostor syndrome nearly as much as I did in my younger days.

But my quality control standards tend to be quite high, and I am still motivated both by making things that I really want to make and by some distant voice that doesn’t want to let people down.

I also do not like when a plan or schedule is disrupted. In fact, I might like this sort of thing the second-least of anyone on this planet (first place: our 10-year-old daughter).

So: You quite possibly (probably) didn’t notice that I took a week off from publishing here, a break from my typical schedule of posting every Sunday morning.

For me, it was a step or two short of agony — because I love writing here, because I need this writing outlet and because, yes, there is that internal fear of letting people down.

There was a good reason, though: For the better part of a week, I was beset by the worst virus I’ve had since getting COVID in August 2022. This time it was not COVID, the test said, which made it even more infuriating.

Some lame regular virus knocked me out?

Perhaps because I knew it wasn’t COVID, I refused to believe I was as sick and drained as my body clearly told me I was.

It came on two Sundays ago, with a cough, chills, fever and general lethargy. I tried to DayQuil and ibuprofen my way through Monday and Tuesday, which almost certainly made it more intense. On Wednesday, I finally took an actual day off work.

Thursday I started a cautious upswing. Then Friday, when I was finally feeling normal-ish, I chaperoned a school field trip. On Saturday we hosted a massive birthday sleepover for our 8-year-old.

What energy I had was needed elsewhere. Sunday came and went, and I had to let it go.

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This is not the first time I have tried to plow through a sickness or insisted I didn’t need to slow down or thought I had learned a lesson in retrospect.

I also know that when I get a virus, it causes a temporary flare-up in my multiple sclerosis symptoms. Mostly this comes in the form of excessive sweating and a few random leg cramps that go away when the virus fades, but I don’t care for either of those nuisances and I particularly don’t like reminders of the condition I have lived with for 10 years.

As I was coming out of the foggy sickness brain, I was struck by the thought that it sure would be nice to reach a point in life where I actually applied those lessons beforehand instead of remembering them afterward.

But maybe that’s just what a lot of life is: Stubbornly moving through your days, lightbulbs going on and off, changing your shell but not that inflexible core.

I’m 48, and I’m probably just like this even if I can try to do a little better next time.

And perhaps I need to give myself a little grace, another thing I’m not terribly good at. As I made plans last Tuesday to finally relent and take a day off, my wife patiently explained to our kids that doing such a thing is hard for me while applauding even my small and normal concession.

The only way I could rationalize it was this: If I didn’t take a day to get well, I would jeopardize being able to handle that field trip or help with the birthday sleepover.

My distaste for letting people down was the only thing that could save me, I guess.

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Three things helped as I started to turn the corner:

1. Even though the field trip and birthday sleepover — not to mention a jewelry sale/fundraiser the whole family attended plus two music concerts for 10-year-old early last week — could be thought of as stressful, they were also really great.

When we moved to Eagan six months ago, one of the things I desperately wanted — a thing I was impatient about, even though I knew it would happen — was for our kids to find new friends and have a sense of community here.

Our 8-year-old’s sleepover was a mix of kids she knows from three different schools, including her new one in Eagan, and it was wonderful to see how they all connected (even through some inevitable minor drama that comes from having that many second-graders in one space).

And I got to know some of our 10-year-old’s friends better through the field trip and concerts, seeing even more evidence of how she’s thriving.

2. At the urging of a few friends, I joined the social media platform Bluesky. (Honest: When I first saw the platform launched a while back, I thought it was pronounced like “brewski,” like drinking brewski beers in the Mojo Dojo Casa House. It is very clearly and obviously Blue Sky, and I now know this).

Some of you might argue that I need to be less online, not more online, but I’ve essentially given almost all the modest energy I used to give to Twitter/X to Bluesky in the last two weeks.

I’m still active in both spaces for now, but I can say this: Bluesky feels much like the good parts of Twitter that used to exist in much greater measure a decade or so ago.

There is already hand-wringing about Bluesky being nothing more than a refuge for left-leaning folks fed up with Twitter/X. But I am not there for the echo chamber (and am actually avoiding those self-serving corners of the online and real world as much as I can).

I’m there because it feels … fun? Like people are there with the intention of saying interesting, weird and often hilarious things, making me want to do the same. And they’re doing it without (in most cases) trying to tie it to some sort of monetization goal, algorithm-friendly content or relentless clout-chasing.

I don’t mind a good hustle, but I can’t stand a grift.

Twitter/X used to be like that, but it ceased to be a party, an open mic night or at least a fun virtual sports bar a while ago. Bluesky has the potential to be both an amusing diversion and a place to spark creative thought. Even if we’re just chasing nostalgia for a time when such things seemed plentiful we might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

3. Running a few errands by myself the other day meant I was in charge of music in the car. I’m terrible about simply listening to music when I have the chance at home, but I’m great at it while driving.

It was a relentlessly gray day, as most of them have been lately, and I normally pick songs to match the mood. Some Nick Drake. A little Father John Misty. Plenty of Elliott Smith.

But then I pivoted (again, I guess) to Mr. Blue Sky. There might not be a more unflappably positive song in the entire annals of pop/rock music than the nearly 50-year-old song from Electric Light Orchestra.

Mr. Blue Sky, please tell us why
You had to hide away for so long (so long)
Where did we go wrong?

The sun is never gone forever, I keep telling myself, and there are always brighter days ahead. The good news is that I already know what I’m going to write about next week, so I’m ahead after falling behind.

Sometimes you have to slow it down to speed it up because none of this ever stops.